this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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