my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
