Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
