no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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