Sponge bath it is.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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