Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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