Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
