he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish my penis had a tongue
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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