I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
