if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.