I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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