I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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