my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
