I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
