I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize