So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
