take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
