perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
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All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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