Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
