Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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