woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
