dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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