True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.