dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.