Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?