His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait