wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
