And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
