Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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