____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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