she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
