I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now