I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?