Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is Oprah even human
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra