yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong