Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"