Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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