Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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