I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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