he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
