I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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