Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
