dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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