He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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