turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize