Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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