I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize