No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
