The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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