there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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