honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
