I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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