I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.