This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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