I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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