conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we're making bets on your personal life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
