he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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