Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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